Something's Rattan in Manila
Introduction to the Filipino Fighting Art of Arnis
Chapter 1
Arnis, or the art of fighting with a single stick, is a Filipino and Indonesian Self Defense method that has its roots in pre-Spanish times, when Filipinos had only lizards, palm trees, and each other to beat up - and Magellan had not landed yet to ask for a well deserved beating. The basis of the art of Arnis is to face an opponent of similar skill with similar weaponry and successfully whack him into unconsciousness, thereby taking the right to add his sugar cane field to yours and not vice versa.
Arnis was very successful at consolidating sugar fields for this reason, and so it was named a national art by Princess Urduja and therefore used on rice fields as well, with occasional use in disciplining problem children who would not stay at home with their grandparents. Within two hundred years, every school aged child in central Luzon bore the characteristic welts, abrasions and blackened eye that is characteristic of an initiation to the art. The often overlooked and less verifiable 'bruised buttock' badge of merit has only rarely been seen in those school aged children who have demonstrated outstanding ability to either dodge an initial attack, or were wise enough to walk into their Arnis training backwards. The best performers in this art survived multiple beating and spurred by national interest became 'balikbayan' in the post-war world, having proven that since they couldn't stay at home with their grandparents without a beating, they could still get beaten away from home for money and pay their grandparents for all the broken furniture and windows they had left behind.
Chapter 2 - The Dance
A wise green alien modeled after a Filipino once said, 'Step one is to avoid a fight'. We shall assume that step one is a dismal failure and go straight to the bashing.
A very important aspect of Arnis training is footwork, or what practitioners call the sayaw, in which the proper stance is acheived for bashing someone else with a stick. This incorporates traditional dance and a high-stepping form of waltz invented by the Japanese to make ninja movies more interesting. A surprising number of offshoot arts like cross-legged San Miguel Eskrima and the classic 'Sipain ko lolo mo e' maneuver taught exclusively to balikbayans. A wise Arnis practitioner also plans his footwork ahead, remembering the rallying war cry taught to him by his grandfathers, “Takbo! Takbo! Aieee!"*
*this was also used hundreds of years ago when it was discovered that Magellan had guns.
Chapter 3 - Getting In the First Whack
The weapon of choice in Arnis is a rattan (bundled bamboo) stick about forty inches in length. The material is found to be far superior for the purpose of teaching Arnis than the solid ebony or teak stick, which while proven effective against Magellan is hard to use by kids who can't lift a pencil, let alone a solid wood stick. This is a reversal of the basic rule of thumb 'talk softly and carry a big stick' that was finally removed from the curriculum in 1992 when the 'kanos left. The art of Arnis has since flourished into a fast-moving method of self-defense, instead of a fat, sprawling foreign thing that does little or nothing but pump blind dollars into a naive local economy.
The first move in Arnis is universally offensive, since there would be no fight if the first move is TAKBO!
A wide, probing swing with the stick at full extension is employed on one of many planes - across the forehead, up through the armpit area, from the groin, and the ever-popular 'open-heart' method that consists of a hard jab to the sternum and was pioneered mainly by unemployed teenagers after sneaking in to see Tom Cruise in 'The Color of Money'. The success of the maneuver has overshadowed its unusual beginnings. Even now Filipinos flock to Cruise's next movie to find more hidden Arnis moves therein.
Chapter 4 - What To Do If You Get Hit on the Head
Sometime during an Arnis encounter, you will receive a blow to the head from a rattan stick. The first rule is not to drop your own stick, ineffective as it seems to have been as a defense. Neither should you Takbo. Instead you must capitalize on the fact that your opponent has finished his attack by kicking him in the testicles. So, instead of your grandfather that feels the pain, it will be your opponent's grandchildren. Technically this counts as a victory.
GLOSSARY
Arnis [arneece or our neice if you're from Texas] - Single-stick fighting
Balikbayan [bullick buh yan]- Family working abroad, and also money, food or clothing send back from them
Eskrima [ass creamer if you're from New England] - Double stick fighting and variations
'Kano - American
Sayaw - dance
"Sipain ko lolo mo e" [sippa in coe lolo moe eh!]- I Kick Your Grandfather
TAKBO! - Run!
"Werewolves in London" song to hum while performing open heart Arnis or Jedi training.
We'll miss you, Warren.
Books by Me | Newsletter | Discussion Group
Chapter 1
Arnis, or the art of fighting with a single stick, is a Filipino and Indonesian Self Defense method that has its roots in pre-Spanish times, when Filipinos had only lizards, palm trees, and each other to beat up - and Magellan had not landed yet to ask for a well deserved beating. The basis of the art of Arnis is to face an opponent of similar skill with similar weaponry and successfully whack him into unconsciousness, thereby taking the right to add his sugar cane field to yours and not vice versa.
Arnis was very successful at consolidating sugar fields for this reason, and so it was named a national art by Princess Urduja and therefore used on rice fields as well, with occasional use in disciplining problem children who would not stay at home with their grandparents. Within two hundred years, every school aged child in central Luzon bore the characteristic welts, abrasions and blackened eye that is characteristic of an initiation to the art. The often overlooked and less verifiable 'bruised buttock' badge of merit has only rarely been seen in those school aged children who have demonstrated outstanding ability to either dodge an initial attack, or were wise enough to walk into their Arnis training backwards. The best performers in this art survived multiple beating and spurred by national interest became 'balikbayan' in the post-war world, having proven that since they couldn't stay at home with their grandparents without a beating, they could still get beaten away from home for money and pay their grandparents for all the broken furniture and windows they had left behind.
Chapter 2 - The Dance
A wise green alien modeled after a Filipino once said, 'Step one is to avoid a fight'. We shall assume that step one is a dismal failure and go straight to the bashing.
A very important aspect of Arnis training is footwork, or what practitioners call the sayaw, in which the proper stance is acheived for bashing someone else with a stick. This incorporates traditional dance and a high-stepping form of waltz invented by the Japanese to make ninja movies more interesting. A surprising number of offshoot arts like cross-legged San Miguel Eskrima and the classic 'Sipain ko lolo mo e' maneuver taught exclusively to balikbayans. A wise Arnis practitioner also plans his footwork ahead, remembering the rallying war cry taught to him by his grandfathers, “Takbo! Takbo! Aieee!"*
*this was also used hundreds of years ago when it was discovered that Magellan had guns.
Chapter 3 - Getting In the First Whack
The weapon of choice in Arnis is a rattan (bundled bamboo) stick about forty inches in length. The material is found to be far superior for the purpose of teaching Arnis than the solid ebony or teak stick, which while proven effective against Magellan is hard to use by kids who can't lift a pencil, let alone a solid wood stick. This is a reversal of the basic rule of thumb 'talk softly and carry a big stick' that was finally removed from the curriculum in 1992 when the 'kanos left. The art of Arnis has since flourished into a fast-moving method of self-defense, instead of a fat, sprawling foreign thing that does little or nothing but pump blind dollars into a naive local economy.
The first move in Arnis is universally offensive, since there would be no fight if the first move is TAKBO!
A wide, probing swing with the stick at full extension is employed on one of many planes - across the forehead, up through the armpit area, from the groin, and the ever-popular 'open-heart' method that consists of a hard jab to the sternum and was pioneered mainly by unemployed teenagers after sneaking in to see Tom Cruise in 'The Color of Money'. The success of the maneuver has overshadowed its unusual beginnings. Even now Filipinos flock to Cruise's next movie to find more hidden Arnis moves therein.
Chapter 4 - What To Do If You Get Hit on the Head
Sometime during an Arnis encounter, you will receive a blow to the head from a rattan stick. The first rule is not to drop your own stick, ineffective as it seems to have been as a defense. Neither should you Takbo. Instead you must capitalize on the fact that your opponent has finished his attack by kicking him in the testicles. So, instead of your grandfather that feels the pain, it will be your opponent's grandchildren. Technically this counts as a victory.
GLOSSARY
Arnis [arneece or our neice if you're from Texas] - Single-stick fighting
Balikbayan [bullick buh yan]- Family working abroad, and also money, food or clothing send back from them
Eskrima [ass creamer if you're from New England] - Double stick fighting and variations
'Kano - American
Sayaw - dance
"Sipain ko lolo mo e" [sippa in coe lolo moe eh!]- I Kick Your Grandfather
TAKBO! - Run!
"Werewolves in London" song to hum while performing open heart Arnis or Jedi training.
We'll miss you, Warren.
Books by Me | Newsletter | Discussion Group
